For years I’ve been thinking that it’s all my fault, and it’s not. I can not and should not be held responsible for things I had no control over. And for years I’ve been focusing on all the wrong things.
Free at last, free at last, free at last.
I love doing these kinds of blogs where I respond to my thoughts about others but I don’t actually want to tell these people because 1. It means I will have to converse with someone I do not want to converse with, and 2. See (1). But also because I don’t want to make the effort to have the conversation with them, which is also kind of like 1.
A: Stop trying to be a part of counter culture because you’re not very good at it. Stop making excuses to be a part of it, when you know you shouldn’t be a part of that group, and stop enlisting others. You have no right to speak of such thoughts until you know what others are going through.
B. Stop fighting your roots, and who you are, and just be yourself. You can have the best of every world, but you just don’t want it, and I’m trying to understand why.
C. I’m sorry. You caught me at a bad time I guess, I don’t know why something so simple bothered me so much. My guess is that it is because I felt like you didn’t care, and you caring about me, means a whole lot to me.
D. I wish you knew how much you mean to me, because you’ve taught me so much, and I appreciate that a LOT, whether you realize it or not. Because every time I’m at a crossroads, I ask myself, what would you do, and what would you tell me to do. And somehow in one way or another, I end up in a position that I am comfortable with.
E. I secretly stalk you, but that’s only because I think you’re super awesome, and I am supporting you 100% along the way.
F. Sometimes I feel like I’ve failed you, but I’ve grown a lot and I’m honestly trying to make the most of who I am. Unfortunately, a grade cannot be assigned for adulthood, and the experience that I’ve gained cannot be quantified, and it can never be held against me, only in my favor. For that, I have no regrets. I thank you for always supporting me.
G. I’m jealous of your situation, and the joy of your life because either I’m doing something wrong, or you’re doing everything right. Either way, I am jealous.
H. Really? When I think about you, I think of you as an actor in a scary movie, and me as an objective observer. I keep telling not to go into the dark woods at night, but you STILL INSIST. And of course in scary movies, that’s when the monsters and evil things come out!
I. I’m here for you.
J. We’re all grown up, and I’m glad we grew up together. It’s been a pleasure.
K. Best friends forever my ass.
L. I can’t believe you proved me wrong. I’m always right, and somehow you proved me wrong. I guess this is how it feels when you believe that good things happen… and situations like this prove me wrong and reinforce the possibility that evil still exists.
M. I hope we become better friends, you seem pretty awesome.
N. Are we ever going to make amends? I still worry about you because I kind of secretly care if you fuck up your life. And believe it or not, I know when you’re about to make a mistake, mainly because you’ve made the same ones SEVERAL times; mistakes that you ACKNOWLEDGED you made. Cmon girlie, you know better than that.
O. I debating whether I want to ruin our friendship to pursue a relationship. I mean you’re such a catch, why hasn’t anyone else seen that? Or have they all fallen prey to the dragon, that cannot be slain? Fear not fair princess, I shall save you and rescue from the green eyed monster that guards your sweet soft heart.
P. Note to self: Stop relying on other people because it hasn’t gotten you anywhere.
“You can’t control the cards that you’re dealt, just how you play them.” Randy P.
:\ There are certain signs that indicate you’ve lost. They come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they come in the form of a letter, sometimes verbally from a friend, sometimes by looking at a scoreboard. But most of the time, you draw a connection of all the past events and everything adds up. You just didn’t want to face the fact that you’ve lost.
But to be fair: You may have lost the battle, but the war is still upon us.
I write this because I am trying to find a reason to not to do my 20 page assigned research article. Also, because I feel that perhaps purging my mind of these random thoughts will free some space up and allow some more productive cognitive functioning.
It’s funny how sometimes we work hard now… so that one day… we can work even harder. And as we grow older, it only gets harder, and harder until the point that we can no longer push ourselves to the limit we were once able. At that point we begin to utter the words, “I’m getting too old for this shit”. But who am I kidding? We love the stress, we love the madness, we love every piece of the struggle. The struggle is a reminder that at the end of all of this, the end is something worth having. “A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships.” – Helen Keller. And full disclosure, I love quotations. Quotations are pieces of wisdom from people who have experienced life more than I have. It is their attempt to share their wisdom with the rest of the world. It is in my very humble opinion, that to disregard quotes, is to disregard wisdom. Which … kind of makes sense. I mean, only an ignorant person would want to ignore wisdom, no? Regardless of this tangent about the intangible, I return to my original point. About… how funny life can be sometimes. And a lot of times, it doesn’t even make sense, much like this point. I guess what I’m really trying to say is… hang in there. Life is tough, and it’s supposed to be. Hardship is usually a good indicator of value.
Don’t expect success without sacrifice… because nothing worth having comes easy.
I’ve decided to write in my tumblr again… with actual meaningful thoughts from my mind. I have chosen to do so mainly because it’s 1am, and as my mind becomes deprived of its carbohydrates, the truth is set free, unfortunately, filterless and free of fear. Also so that my best friend Kimberly Hwang can stalk my mind as she does so often.
=)
The Most Astounding Fact by Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Astrophysicist Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson was asked by a reader of TIME magazine, “What is the most astounding fact you can share with us about the Universe?” This is his answer. (via crookedindifference)
Beautiful.
“Yes, we are part of this universe. We are in this universe. But perhaps more important than both of those facts… is that the universe is in us.”
“That’s really what you want in life, you want to feel relevant.”
It’s such an underrated word, a rare mantra, and a powerful idea. To believe that there is love without hate is to be naive. To believe that the world is full of happiness is foolishness. To believe the world is evil is too cynical. It’s the intersection of optimism and pessimism, the combination of good and bad, the duality of opposites that makes the world what it is. Sometimes it’s bittersweet, but whether or not this is a good or bad thing, is solely up to the perspective of the soul.
Sometimes I get bogged down by the toils of my career. Yes, I chose to be a biology major… and sometimes I regret it… but then I realize that I would be so much unhappier doing anything else. And I also realize that this is my path, that I have chosen. This isn’t my back up plan, this isn’t what my parents wanted, this isn’t what was handed to me. Autonomy can be taken for granted, but it shouldn’t be.
The greater the sacrifice, the sweeter the victory.
About kearny tse
